Two weeks ago, I was hired to be the new AS/SMU office manager. Such a job entails being the general event planner for both organizations, overseeing the office staff, and assisting the presidents. What I had expected to be a fun filled job with lots of variety has slowly been illuminated as one of the biggest communication challenges on the planet. This challenge, I might add, can be attributed almost entirely to one factor: boys are different than girls.
SMU is known on campus to be one of the strangest organizations around. It's full name being the "Student Missionary Union," its members strive to not only educate and equip students to fulfill the great commission but also be sure that they achieve as near a cross cultural experience here in the US as is humanly possible. From circles of guys banging drums to hanging machetes on the wall, we give Biola quite the international experience before they are ever able to leave campus. The 2008/2009 SMU staff, I must say, takes the cake for the most "rugged" staff we have seen in a long time. In other words, there are more boys who LOVE being boys than there have been in several years.
Each spring, we all go on a retreat planned by the president and the office manager (the president: Adam; office manager: yours truly). A few minutes after I got hired to fulfill the office manager position, I was informed by Adam that we would be going camping. There is also some important background information that is important to understand about Adam... although he is just as white as any other guy from suburban SoCal, he actually grew up in the bush in Kenya. He speaks like four different languages and wears the tribal sarong from his home village quite often. If anyone knows how to camp, it's Adam. I was, naturally, relieved as I was well aware of my own limitations when it came to planning a camping trip and trusted that he would be capable of doing most of the important gathering of information and supplies. What was left was the food.
Conversation #1
Caitlin: Adam, I am going to Costco this afternoon and was wondering if now would be a good time to discuss the menu for this weekend so I can pick up the things we need from there.
Adam: Well, I haven't thought through each meal, but I was thinking of getting some meat for dinner Saturday night... to cook over the fire.
Caitlin: Okay, meat. (pause). Well, people will probably want to eat more than meat so I'll get corn on the cob, black beans, saffron rice, and fresh garlic bread. How does that sound?
Adam: Fine.
Caitlin: Okay, so you will get the meat and I'll take care of the rest.
Adam: Yeah, I'll put together a great marinade and we'll cook it over the fire! It'll be great.
True to his word, Adam produced two large bags of meat which he had purchased for cheap at an Asian market and marinated the night before. I was excited, this was going to be really fun! I don't think I have ever participated in cooking a whole meal over a fire before.
Fast forward to Saturday night at the camp site:
Conversation #2
Adam: Okay, Caitlin, I think it's time to start building the fires. I'm going to go collect some rocks.
Caitlin: Rocks, what for? (thinking: he is from Africa, so I'm assuming he knows what he's talking about... but why would you need rocks to build a fire?)
Adam: To build you a stove so you can cook. It'll be really neat.
Caitlin: What am I going to use a stove for?
Adam: We have some pots.
Caitlin: Yes, but what am I going to cook in the pots?
Adam: You brought food, right?
Caitlin: Yes... but... (Adam walking away to find rocks, Caitlin confused--and highly entertained-- because there was no food that needed to be cooked in the pots that we had brought)
So Adam returned like the hero he is with the perfect rocks and built me a really cool fire. He arranged three rocks in a triangle pattern with just enough space to put one log in between each one, lighting it in the middle. The pots/pans we brought were supposed to sit on the rocks which were higher than the wood and flames in the middle. Remember... he is from Africa.
Although I was impressed, I wasn't quite sure what to do at this point.
Conversation #3
Adam: (very impressed with the beauty of the stove/fire) So, go ahead and start cooking.
Caitlin: Um... we don't exactly have any food that needs to be cooked in a pot. The rice is in a foil pan and just needs to be warmed up, the bread is wrapped in foil, the meat and corn can be done over the grill, and there are too many beans to fit in that skillet.
Adam: So... we don't even need this? (a little baffled that he built this stove/fire and I don't even need it!)
Caitlin: I don't think so. . . but can we move this fire under the grill so that we can cook the bread and rice on it?
Adam: (calling to another guy) Hey Ben, can you help Caitlin with this fire, I've got to get the other one started.
He walked over to the other fire pit and spent quite a few minutes getting it lit. While he was arranging logs and lighting kindling (very tenderly, I may add. Side note: if you ever want to see a man's gentle side, watch him start a fire), I getting the meat from the ice chest so we could stick it on the grill as soon as the fire was ready. He had marinated about 10 lbs of both chicken and pork. I opened each bag and smelled the marinade... they smelled great! Rather impressed at the smell and the potential flavor I decided to ask a question:
Conversation #4
Caitlin: Mmm... this marinade smells great... what did you put in it?
Adam: (busy lighting the fire) uhh... I don't know
Caitlin: You don't know? Didn't you make it?
Adam: (getting blasted with smoke) Yeah, but I do it different every time.
Caitlin: Sure, but what did you do this time?
Adam: (getting fed up with all the questions) Caitlin, I don't know!
Oops! Not really sure what I had done to deserve such a strong reaction, I decided I would just have to get by without knowing what was in the marinade. Until...
Conversation #5
Adam: Okay, Caitlin, the fire is built, we can start putting the pork on. It'll take a little longer.
Caitlin: Sounds good, let's put them on skewers to put on the grill.
Adam: (dipping his finger in the edge of the marinade and tasting it) Mmm... that's good. I put some soy sauce and cloves and black pepper and... (listing more and more ingredients).
Caitlin: (looking at Adam with curiosity and a little frustration. Thinking: what happened to this guy's memory that he suddenly remembers each and every ingredient in here!)
Adam: Oh... let's try the chicken. I put. . . (and another abundant list).
So... Let's analyze the communication breakdown for future reference. (Thank you Kyle Compaan and Matt Yeoman for helping to interpret these scenarios and for laughing with me about them)
Conversation #1: Priorities. His priority with the meal was obviously meat. He probably didn't care what else was served, as long as there was meat on the menu.
Conversation #2: Once an idea is in there. . . it will be accomplished. I don't think he really heard me attempting to communicate that I didn't need the stove because he was already planning on making it. I'm not sure if I could have stopped him.
Coversation #3: Frustration that he didn't accomplish his goal of providing for me. Let me quote Matt, "He wasn't disappointed about the fire or the rocks, he was just bummed that he had so much fun doing it and it didn't even really help you."
Conversation #4: Don't ask a guy questions about recipes when he is in the middle of lighting a fire. Not only is he struggling with the ability to multi-task, but the fire is obviously more important.
Conversation #5: Making up for the frustration. "Oops. . . I snapped at you for asking me too many questions and you aren't my mom, my sister, or my wife." Thus, the sudden list of ingredients.
I am still laughing from the hilariousness of each conversation. I think a part of me was thinking "you can't be serious," and another part was thinking, "I'm going to be so equipped for marriage after being this guy's assistant, it's not even funny." One last quote that I would like to share that I find especially indicative of the camping trip. It was said to me on the morning we left as one of the guys, Chris, and I were talking about these gender differences. He said, "Caitlin, I think it's so funny that all nine guys brought a knife or two on this trip, but not one person thought to bring a flashlight."
*Clarification: If this blog in anyway makes Adam seem "simple" that was not my intention. He and I have had many a conversation that ended in deep, meaningful, encouraging communication. No doubt he has been much more confused by my communication than I ever have with his. But want to say that I am really excited about working with him during this coming year and can't wait to see what God will do in and through us.
1 comment:
Another great story from you! You definitely have a wonderful way with words. I am officially putting you in charge of writing the family memoirs ASAP!!
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