wanna know why I like to tell stories?

I've been to Colorado over the weekend. . . here are some things  that I wrote while I was there.  

So I'm in Colorado right now sitting at a table in my cousin's house.  I'm not exactly sure how all of these people are related to me, but they are.  My dad's cousin Theresa and her husband Bo let me stay at their home for the night.  I'll soon by on my way to my dad's aunt and uncle's house.  My dad's side of the family is really fun and REALLY funny.  And we all love food!  Last night we arrived at 10pm and didn't finish eating until 1am.  I think I ate more jelly bellies than I ever have in my life!  And then this morning Bo made eggs, bacon, biscuts and gravy, coffee and good fresh juice.  Mmmm. . .

Sitting around the table last night with my family full of storytellers was the most hilarious and fun thing I've done in a long time.  I'm realizing where I get my long-winded story telling skills.  In this family the subject changes every 2-3 minutes. . . and there's no hope of it going back becuase the story takes us to a whole new subject that seems completely unrelated by the time the story is over.  The longest subject we stuck with last night was sharing stories about my grandma, Grace.  

Grandma Grace was possibly the funniest person I have ever heard anyone tell stories about.  I think she died when I was around 12 years old so I only remember a handful of these stories.  I spent nearly 2 hours tonight crying with my family from laughter because she was SO funny.  Please let me share some of my favorites.  Warning: these stories may not be appropriate for little ears to hear.  So read quietly and laugh loud!  

I feel like old people are always breaking stuff. . . feet and hips and stuff.  Well, my grandma never did it without a good story to accompany.  One night she was over at a friend's house playing pinochle.  She noticed during the middle of the game that she had to pee really bad.  As she walked accross the room toward the restroom, she tripped on the coffee table and reached out to catch herself on the doorknob next to her.  What she didn't realize was that the door wasn't latched so she began to fall again through the doorway.  In another attempt to catch her balance she grabbed a floor lamp, which did not steady her as she had expected and so she continued her fall through the door that led to a flight of stairs.  She crashed down the flight of stairs holding the floor lamp in her hands and ended up a the bottom with a broken foot and a lampshade on her head  laughing so hard that she peed her pants!  

A second foot breaking story. . . and one of my personal favorites.  She and Grandpa George had a really long driveway that led out to the street from their house which sat behind another house.  In the front house lived a sweet family with several children.  One day Grandma and Grandpa were backing out of their driveway and Grandpa noticed in the rear view mirror that there was a ball the kids had left there.  He asked Grandma to get out and kick it out of the way.  She did and what she failed to notice, leading to the breaking of several of her toes, was that it was not a soft rubber bouncing ball, but a bowling ball!  I can only imagine Grandpa's reaction when he looked in the rear view mirror to see how well she was accomplishing her task only to find that she's hopping up and down in pain from kicking a bowling ball!  

Another fun story. . . because of her breast cancer, Grandma Grace had a double mastectomy.  We laughed long and hard tonight about how she used to stuff her old bras with tissues to make them look more full.  She would often pull one of the tissues out and blow her nose or wipe a kid's face only to return it to its place in her bra after using it.  In addition to tissues, she also had prostheses (fake boobs) and she would wear them for special occasions.  I'm not exaclty sure what the special occasion was on this particular day, but she was standing in the kitchen washing the dishes and talking with my Aunt Chick and my cousin Theresa.  As they were all talking in the kitchen, Grandpa walked up from behind her and grabbed her boobs!  She was a little annoyed and scolded him with a little swat of his hand.  He persisted in enjoying her non-boobs and so she finally just grabbed them with her wet dishwashing hands and pulled them form her bra handing them to him.  She said, "Here, play with these until I'm done with the dishes."  So there he stood while she finished the dishes, playing with her fake breasts!  

More to come. . . my fingers are a little tired.  But I promise you there are some priceless stories to come.